A Breakdown of Emotions

Because I am CLEARLY not ready to move on from the subject, today I will provide you with a detailed rundown of my emotional state at various points throughout the experience of meeting Gary Oldman. The further I get from it the more surreal and amazing it becomes to me, and I am just now starting to process things.

Another thing you should know about me besides my all-encompassing love of Gary Oldman is that I have an all-encompassing love of gifs. So I figured what better way to explain everything than with gifs of the man himself to narrate? Let’s begin.

After I found the set Tuesday morning, everyone at work was like, “Erin, you need to calm down,” and I was all:

I’d had the whole scenario rehearsed for years in anticipation. How I imagined I would greet him:

And what actually happened:

Because let’s be honest:

When I was standing outside of his trailer and he walked out of the building:

I expected him to be totally unenthused:

But instead he was awesome, because after all:

When I got home from meeting him I was too excited to do anything other than:

And then all day yesterday I would remember that I’d actually met Gary Oldman:

Everyone expected that my rabid enthusiasm would result in wooing my way into his trailer, and I’d be all seductive like:

Unfortunately:

But the story is still awesome. Who did I tell?

And when people get tired of hearing about it:

On Meeting Gary Oldman

There are certain moments in a girl’s life that she will remember forever: her first love, her first kiss, her wedding, landing her dream job, and of course, meeting her number one celebrity crush to end all crushes, Gary Oldman. I might not work for Vogue Paris and I’m not even engaged, but OMG I MET GARY OLDMAN YESTERDAY. Remember on Monday after I was unsuccessful at hunting him down over the weekend and I was all, “Wah, you guys, I don’t even know if I want to meet him!”? Yeah, well that was all a crock of shit because I met him and it was everything I thought it would be and more. I would meet him everyday if it were possible and wouldn’t guarantee I ended up with a restraining order, that’s how much fun it was.

Yesterday morning I had a follow up appointment with my doctor for that weird esophageal disorder I have. Everything’s cool, don’t worry, I only mentioned it because it is necessary background information to the actual story. I was in town in the morning instead of heading straight to work early, and walked past one of the yellow signs movie productions use to direct trucks to the set.

I know from my extensive stalking sleuthing that the movie is called Paranoia and is operating under the full title Paranoia Productions LLC. Thanks to my supreme powers on the internet, I found out the filming location for yesterday and today was only a few blocks from my doctor’s office. After getting the all-clear, I hauled ass over to the building and sure enough, there were the trailers, marked with the actor’s character name to throw people off. Except it didn’t work for me because I am obsessed with Gary Oldman so of course I knew his character in this movie was named Nicholas Wyatt.

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The Obsession Grows

Despite my best efforts (and Boyfriend’s, who diligently drove me around the city on Saturday morning looking for any traces of a movie set) there was not to be a meeting between Gary Oldman and me. You would have heard about it if there had been. Literally. You would have heard me shrieking in whichever far flung corner of the world you’re in, so unmitigated would my joy have been, in addition to having it blasted all over Twitter/Instagram/Facebook. No, instead I watched the man in “Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead” (literally one of the funniest movies of all time, have you seen it?) and “Immortal Beloved” and tried to drown my sorrows in the new IKEA catalog I picked up on a trip to the store where I (finally!) was able to get the dresser that had been eluding me. Oh, and I might have made a new pinboard on Pinterest solely as an aggregate for all the dreamy pictures of Gary Oldman I’ve been drooling over for the past, oh, 5 years ever since “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” came out. What, you thought this was a recent thing? Bitch, please.

from here (follow along in my insanity!)

Now I have to tell you something that may sound crazier than the time I told you I made a pinboard of Gary Oldman pictures: I was scared to meet him. The idea of actually meeting him was terrifying and I was sort of wishing it didn’t happen, even though it would have probably made my life complete, but I can’t figure out why. Maybe it’s because I’m happier with this being an abstract obsession, and meeting him in real life would have ruined the illusions I’ve created about him over the past few years of stalking adoring him from afar. Like it would ruin it going forward because he’d be a real person and not some untouchable celebrity. Does that make any sense? I can’t really articulate why, but the whole idea made me anxious.

But at the same time I was dying for that chance encounter. Can you imagine a better story? Or Facebook profile picture? Let’s be honest, it would have looked something like this:

Friday Five

I’m being a total slacker today and taking off work to have breakfast and hang out with my aunt and Mommom. It’s one of my favorite traditions; we go to the same diner, sit in the same booth, and all order off the $3.99 Specials menu. Don’t let the price fool you, the portions are gigantic and I don’t have to eat again until dinner. There’s also the added bonus of hanging out with my hilarious almost-90 grandmother. She’s a character.

I also want to mention that right now, Gary Oldman is filming a movie in the city. MY city! Only a few blocks from my house! To say that I am in Creepy Stalker Mode would be an understatement. I’m basically inspecting every older male that walks by me, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. That would make my life complete. And also maybe guarantee I end up in jail for assault by hugging.

So yeah, there’s a Gary Oldman reference in today’s Friday Five.

1. “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” / 2. Birdcage / 3. Tunic / 4. “Midnight in Paris” gif / 5. Pillow

To be fair, the version of John Le Carré’s massive spy novel I have doesn’t have Gary Oldman on the cover, but that’s only because Boyfriend bought it. When he gave up on reading it I decided to pick it up (mostly thanks to Lauren’s recommendation), and wow. You know how at the beginning of “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” there is a family tree of characters because there are so many with so many strange names? Yeah, that would have been helpful in this book. That’s not to say I’m not enjoying it, because I am (the addition of yet another excuse to think about Gary Oldman will always be welcome), but man, it is dense.

In styling the guest room I briefly considered adding this vintage-y birdcage, but decided it might sway the entire scheme too feminine. Now I’m debating whether or not that’s true. It looks like it will be a pain to keep dust-free, but I don’t know, there’s something (shabby-)chic about it, don’t you think? And speaking of chic, how much do you love that J.Crew chambray tunic dress? It looks like one of those pieces that can be worn year round with the right styling. I’m trying to buy investment pieces rather than clothes than only serve one specific purpose (see: my entire wardrobe for Europe), and that tunic looks like it would fit the bill nicely.

I’ve found perhaps the most useful gif of all time: Hemingway in “Midnight in Paris” saying, “My opinion is I hate it.” I have a collection of gifs that are applicable to lots of different situations (much like this hilarious time-suck) but this one takes the cake. When someone suggests we go for a run? My opinion is I hate it. Having to wake up before 11am? My opinion is I hate it. The whole Chik-fil-A gay marriage stance? My opinion is I hate it.

What I don’t hate at all is that adorable Paris print pillow. Sam, in all her loveliness, was kind enough to see it and immediately think of me. I love being thought of in that way! Isn’t it just the cutest? The bunting flags and the little people in pea coats. Even the little puppy has a big red bow on! Tres adorable, non?

Alright, kiddos, what are you up today? What about this weekend? I have nothing on the agenda except catching up on some Vanity Fair and doing some more investigative creepin’ to find Gary Oldman. Highly important work! Take care and I’ll see you on Monday!

Feeling (Old)Man

It happens every few months: I get sucked into a Gary Oldman worm-hole and resurface a week later totally dizzy and bleary eyed. Last week was this video, these pictures, and scouring the internet for all his recent television appearances promoting The Dark Knight Rises (thanks to Lauren for the tip about the Today Show). It would make my life a whole lot easier if he weren’t continuously photographed not only looking dapper and dreamy beyond belief, but also with his stunning and perfect wife/my mortal enemy. I realize that I’ve now posted about my crush on Gary Oldman more than I have about Boyfriend, but whatever, he understands. Or maybe he doesn’t, but he doesn’t read my blog so it’s his own fault. I regret nothing.

Anyway, I consider myself an expert on all things Oldman at this point, so I couldn’t help but notice that his style has evolved over the past few years and he’s really nailed it. Here are two recent pictures, and I hope it goes without saying that a man that can rock a scarf and glasses is high at the top of my list of requirements in a mate.

So it got me to thinking, as most things do, about shopping and how to incorporate that masculine, European-chic style into my own wardrobe. Because who doesn’t love an excuse to buy more stuff? I’m sorry, are you new here?

1. Blazer / 2. Scarf / 3. Cologne / 4. Lip Balm / 5. Glasses / 6. Clutch / 7. Watch / 8. Oxfords

More after the jump, including a picture of Gary Oldman with a puppy! I KNOW.

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Friday Five

Happy Friday! Is it wrong that I am beyond excited it is pouring rain outside? Not only does it provide a break in the heat (in theory, though if anything the humidity reaches new levels of unbearable when it rains) but I love waking up to that rushing sound and the way the concrete in the city smells during storms. Of course, I’m not the one who has to take the dog out in it, so maybe I don’t get a say.

We’re putting the construction project downstairs on hold for the weekend, but we still have little projects to complete like painting the doors and spackling (oh my god, the spackling). It’s supposed to rain for a good chunk of the weekend so I foresee lots of lounging on the couch and perhaps more HGTV. I know, I’m wild.

Herewith, my 5 favorite things this week.

1. Gary Oldman video / 2. St. Germain / 3. Wedges / 4. Shampoo / 5. Carafes

So yeah, that’s a video of Gary Oldman doing a dramatic reading of R.Kelly’s memoir, “Soulacoaster.” Have I piqued your interest yet?

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Friday Five

This week was a blur of “Midnight in Paris” and junk food. Pretty standard material for whenever Boyfriend is out of town on business. There’s no one to tell me to eat real food or like, get off the couch. I had a lot of uninterrupted time at home to pull together this week’s Friday Five, and for what I think is only the second or third time since I’ve been doing these, I actually had to pare it down from a longer list of stuff. I love it when that happens. My wallet on the other hand…

Herewith, this week’s Friday Five.

 1. Makeup Brush set / 2. Scarf / 3. Bowl / 4. Lip Gloss / 5. Gary Oldman Video

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Black Tie Affair

It goes to show how lucky I am that within the past few days that not one, but two different lovely ladies kindly pointed out a fashion piece in The Telegraph featuring Gary Oldman. Thank you Sam & Chi for thinking of me, and for remembering my enormous crush on him! While I like to think of myself as something of a talented internet-squirrel, I have to admit I never would have come across that article and the amazing accompanying photographs had it not been for you girls. Can we just take a moment to admire the eye-candy provided in that profile? Look but don’t touch or I’ll have to kill you.

images c/o

I mean, come on. It is so unfair how gracefully men age. He looks better now at 51 than he did at 31. And I have to say, he cleans up rather well (but I guess that’s easy when you’re wearing a £2,500 Paul Smith suit). I want to go to whatever party he’s going to, and it looks like he’s heading to a black tie event. The pocket square, the piping down the side of his pants, the jaunty bow-tie. Be still my heart!

While we’re on the subject of Black Tie Affairs, I couldn’t resist gathering a little round-up of party-perfect accessories for a chic event. A little black dress, a bright red lip, Mr. Oldman on your arm and you’re good to go.

1. Monogrammed Napkins / 2. Cheese Knives / 3. Champagne Flutes / 4. Topiary / 5. 3-Tier Stand / 6. Coasters / 7. Candle

Nothing says “Black Tie” like a topiary! Or monogrammed napkins. Or cheese knives with French on them. If you guessed that I’m itching to buy those coasters, you’d be 100% correct. They’re on sale! Let me know if you need an invitation to Gilt Group, I can send out at least 2.

Oscar

If I had participated in any sort of Oscar pool last night, I surely would have lost. The only awards I got right were Christopher Plummer (! yay!) for Best Supporting Actor, and “Midnight in Paris” for Best Original Screenplay (! double yay!). I wanted Gary Oldman to win Best Actor (obviously) and Rooney Mara to win for Best Actress (double obviously. I vote with my heart). Neither won, but can we just bask in this magnificence for a moment?

Rooney Mara in Givenchy. Be still my heart. Look at her darling hands. When the film won Best Editing, one of the editors called her “Roons.” Do you think she’ll mind if I start calling her that? It’s so adorable. Roons.

And this. It breaks my heart because he’s so good looking even with the snarl, and because she is so good looking even though she is my mortal enemy. I tried Photoshopping my head onto hers but it did not work and just made me feel worse.

Did you watch? Who do you think should have won the major awards? Who was on your best dressed list? I thought Billy Crystal did a very good job hosting; I found myself laughing out loud a few times. What were your overall impressions of the show? Love it? Hate it? Oh, and happy Monday!

Celebrity Crushes

Remember a few weeks ago when I gave my mini-diatribe about people stealing my stuff or heavily “borrowing” it? I have a new one to add to the list: West Elm themselves have decided to copy my swagger. Yes, I said swagger. Just Monday I posted the story of how I got a magical bargain on a pendant light, titled “Let There Be (Cheap) Light.” I even tweeted about it and mentioned @WestElm. What shows up in my inbox a mere 3 days later? This email, from West Elm:

Coincidence? I think not. How shady! (Get it? Shady? Shade-y? See what I did there? Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep last night, thank you, sheeting rain) Clearly I am SO AWESOME that West Elm just has no choice but to steal all my ideas. I mean, really. I’d love to be grumpy about it, but this obviously means I am doing something right. Maybe I should write a post for IKEA and then if they try to steal it I’ll make them give me a job designing showrooms. My god, wouldn’t that be the best job in the world?

Shifting gears a bit (okay, a lot), you might have noticed this post was titled “Celebrity Crushes.” So we’ve talked about girl crushes already, but I realized I never gave the menfolk their due. There are a bunch of hunky men in Hollywood (don’t you dare try to tell me that Christian Bale or Ben Affleck belong in that category, or we aren’t friends anymore), but after careful observation and years-long obsessions, I’ve been able to narrow down my biggest celebrity crushes to these 3 contenders:

Crush #1. Gary Oldman.

 Yes, weird, I know. But there is something so incredibly attractive about him, and yes, I know he is old enough to be my father, and he generally plays the creepy, scary murder or bad guy (like, in almost every movie he’s ever made), but come. on. Have you ever seen “Immortal Beloved,” the movie where he played Beethoven? Or “Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead,” the movie about the two wacky side characters in ‘Hamlet’? Or, perhaps, the movie that started my entire obsession with his gorgeous man, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” (DON’T JUDGE ME)? He’s fascinating to me.

Crush #2. Robert Pattinson. Like every other woman and 14 year old girl in the universe.

Team Edward. That’s all that needs to be said. I finally saw “Breaking Dawn” last night with my mom and sister-in-law, and it just confirmed everything for me about him. Can we talk about his hair? He’s got great hair. And he’s British, too, just like Gary Oldman (are we sensing a theme, yet?), but unlike Gary Oldman he was born the same year I was. I think my favorite thing about him isn’t that he plays a sparkly vampire in Young Adult movies, it’s that in real life he always looks like he doesn’t even care about any of the attention. And that he could really use a shower. Quit looking at me like that.

Crush #3. Jim Halpert (aka John Krasinski).

There’s no way you’ve watched “The Office” and not developed a crush on Jim, the dorky, adorable, Pam-smitten paper salesman. My crush is actually more on the character he plays on tv, but level with me: how cute is he in that Gap ad with the scarf? He is so cute and goofy on the show, it’s impossible to not to have a crush on him. To be honest, in real life I’m more attracted to his hot wife, Emily Blunt. They make such a gorgeous couple, it’s ridiculous.

Honorable Mention:

Anderson Cooper, the silver fox CNN host. Chiefly, this moment:

Okay. Spill the beans, you guys. Who are you biggest and most enduring celebrity crushes? Who are your guilty-pleasure crushes? Any you’re embarrassed to admit? It’s so gross and rainy here today, I’d love to have a fun distraction.