Assume the Position


These illustrations by artist Patrick Kearns cracked me up. How do you read? I’m a mix between figure 8, The Thinker (if you count reading on the subway/bus) and figure 5, Mr(s). Lonely (when I’m on the couch). Mostly though, I’m laying down on my side in bed, playing a game called “How Many Pages Can You Read Before You Fall Asleep?” My record is 10.

Fun fact from my current read, “The $12 Million Stuffed Shark”:

Christie’s and Sotheby’s share 80 percent of the world auction market in high-value art, and an almost absolute monopoly on works selling for over $1 million. In 2006, 810 works of art –all art, not just contemporary art– were auctioned for more than $1 million; of these, 801 were sold at one or other of the two auction houses.

How’s your read (position) going?

12 thoughts on “Assume the Position

  1. i need to see some horizontal positions. all of these ones look so very unrealistic in my world. i mean maybe when i was kid i could read like an inchworm, now i would get up and have the worst kink in my neck ever. so i’d have go with mr. lonely too, but still i wouldn’t hang my head down like that, neck support please. and grain silo if you laid him down in his bed. i think i have read quite a bit in bed before but usually it’s about one and a half pages before my eyelids start closing and closing, and feeling so very heavy.

    1. Haha yeah, I don’t know who in their right mind would ever read in most of these positions, honestly. That’s why they’re so funny though. I always admire my intentions when I crawl into bed. I’ll read! I’ll write a full page! Lolz, no. 38 seconds later I’m sound asleep. xo

  2. I only have two times a day when I can read. One is like you, in bed before I fall asleep. Some nights that’s pronto and others, not so much. I was reading a book about Scientology that I had to quit because: creepy dreams. My other time is in the carpool line and there’s no picture of a woman leaning against the door of the car and then jumping a gazillion miles in the air when her son taps on the window.

    1. Haha, I love the image of you jumping out of your skin every day despite it happening every day. You sound like me! I need to carve out more time to read. My morning and evening commutes aren’t cutting it. A few weekends ago I read an entire book on the couch in about a day and a half. I didn’t even like the book all that much, but I looooved sitting there reading. xo

  3. Figure 6 – Cracking me up. My reading record is pretty shoddy for the month of November – the whole time thing. Trust that I’ll squeeze it in this weekend though.

    1. Awkward Dad for the win! You are such a voracious reader, I love seeing how many books you read in your monthly round-ups. I’m sure “shoddy” for you is still world’s away for anyone else :) xo

  4. ha, I’m a nautilus. too funny. and too bad it doesn’t explain you why I read like. I’m sure Mr Freud would have some interesting things to say about that :)

    1. Ooh, now I’m curious about the reason behind some of these! Or, more realistic positions, too. I’m sure there’s some connection to science. Just like sleep positions! xo

  5. Lately I have been doing most of my reading on the bus or on the subway which means I am either assuming the Grain Silo or The Thinker. Maybe I should let loose and throw some Modified Beyonce the next time, I am sure it would amuse my fellow straphangers….

    1. Aahaha, I would love to see that. I mean none of these are super realistic when it comes to reading in the comfort of your own home, but it’s funny nonetheless! xo

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