House Hunting

No, not really. As Theresa’s daughter would say, “Let’s pretend.” I love real estate, I can’t get enough Million Dollar Listing, Selling New York, and, as the title suggests, House Hunters and House Hunters International. For fun I like to guess the prices of homes for sale in the neighborhood and then check to see if I’m right. In perhaps the most yuppie move in my arsenal, every Sunday morning I start with the Real Estate section of the NY Times. I’m always simultaneously fascinated by the articles about people paying 4 times what I pay for 1/8th of the square footage, and by the big ticket sales listings that I will never ever be able to afford no matter how many books I write or Saudi princes I marry.

credit: Marilynn K. Yee/The New York Times

This week it was the 7000sq ft. 18th floor co-op in the Sherry-Netherland building on Central Park South, with an asking price of (wait for it) $95 million. As in $95,000,000. As in sorry, I passed out halfway through those zeros. 

The apartment has 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, and features 2000sq feet of outdoor spaces spread across 3 terraces. Because it takes up the entire floor, it is accessible by any of the 3 manned elevators in the building. Monthly maintenance is $54,000 (!!!!) and includes, “daily housekeeping and turndown service, 24-hour concierge, and room service from Harry Cipriani, the glossy restaurant downstairs.” For $54K it better include someone to bathe and dress me every day, macarons delivered whenever I ring a little bell, and Gary Oldman on speed dial.

It’s not my taste decor-wise, so I’d need to have someone redecorate. Obviously.

Would you buy this place if you had a cool $100 million lying around? I don’t think I would. I’ve always said that if I suddenly came into a huge chunk of change, the first thing I would do is buy a little (okay, big) apartment in Paris. For less than 3% of the cost of this place, I could have a house in Paris and enough money to travel back and forth for the rest of my life. And I’d buy a Ladurée. Oh, and a monkey-waiter. I’ve always wanted one of those.

17 thoughts on “House Hunting

  1. the balcony is pretty delicious {actually the best part of the whole apartment by far}… but for 95 million i want the whole building! krrrrrazy money…

    1. It is really an obscene amount of money. Anywhere else in the world you would get so much more than this for that price, too!

  2. I’m with Sue. The balcony and the view are the best parts. It absolutely cracks me up to read about houses like this (and you well know my own obsession with all the shows you mentioned above) that are so, so vast. Why so much? I’m looking to downsize, people, not upsize. I can’t imagine cleaning up MORE rooms of dog hair. Jeez.

    1. Oh my gosh, I know! I mean, I’m sure these people have hired help, but the idea of having to clean that many bathrooms…no thank you. I have enough trouble with the two that I have now! If it were up to me I’d have a 500sq ft studio and I’d call it a day.

  3. A monkey waiter!!!

    Sorry but I find it repugnant. Utterly disgusting that peole will a) spend that on an apartment and b) spend that on maintenance. who needs that kind of money and what sort of moron is so posh they are above turning down their own bed at night. They should get in the real world. Ugh.

    But that balcony is fab. Although the wall is rather low and I’d be worried about falling over.

    I want to live in New York!

    1. It’s just a bit ostentatious, yes? I guess when you have that much money you’re not accustomed to having to do anything for yourself, including turn your sheets down. It’s a scary, detached lifestyle. Too inhuman for my taste!

  4. Uh, someone better feed me grapes and fan me if the maintenance is $54k a month. Heck they should be breathing for me as well. That’s CRAZY but hey, it’s pretend world right? Anything goes!

    1. Totally make pretend world, yes. I can’t even imagine spending more than my annual salary in ONE MONTH on someone standing in an elevator and pushing the button for me. If you think about it, that’s what it is!

  5. You can’t put a price on someone taking the corner of your duvet and pulling it ever so slightly downwards so that you don’t have to. I’ve lost count of the number of hours I spend trying to do this in the evening… NOT! Would I spend 100 million on this? I’m tempted to say yes just for that balcony alone but I much rather prefer your idea of bottomless macarons, Paris and monkey waiters. Sign me up!

    1. Ha, you could hire my duvet services, I am a master at fixing them! I didn’t realize this is a highly covetable skill. But for the little things in life like that, I’m sure it is nice to have endless (and expensive) help. For the rest of us….haha, like you said, bring on the monkey-waiters!

  6. Hahah, I partake in this game as well! It’s such fun to just go surfing around on those sites to find these magnificent estates. I do this when I just drive through the neighborhood as well. ^^
    If I had that much money, though, I don’t think I’d spend that much money on that place either. I’d probably try to set up a small (but beautiful) apartment for myself in Beijing and Shanghai, and for my parents as well. There’s just too many possibilities.

    ♥ xixia

    1. Ha, glad to see I’m not alone in my little hobby. I never get the prices right when I guess, either, I’m always under. I like your idea of setting up apartments for you and your parents! I hadn’t even thought about spoiling someone else with my pretend riches, haha. Oops. Now I feel like a bad daughter! xoxo

  7. Aw, “let’s pretend.” Ha, I watch all the same real estate shows you do, mainly because my husband records them all. Oh, and also because they are addictive. Seeing that kind of price tag on a home is akin to seeing the amount of our national debt – it’s so unreal and incomprehensible to the average person. If I had that kind of money, I think I would purchase a few homes, and one for each of you. ;) I’m so nice!
    PS~Those views are insane!

    1. Aw, you are nice! Always so generous :) I hadn’t even thought about splurging for other people, what does that say about me?? But yeah, this kind of money doesn’t even seem real. It really is like make-pretend money to me. xoxo

  8. As a fellow real estate addict, I can totally identify with your love of fantasy house-shopping. I have the RedFin app on my phone and no matter what city we visit, we love to look at houses. We have spent more than a couple late nights looking at houses, mostly in Newport Coast, in order to decide which one we would want – if we had 5 million dollars. I’ve always thought their was something amazing about those places on the park in NYC. And that closet – glam, glam, glam – totally right up my alley:) But the price tag – I can’t really wrap my head around it.

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