Four Eyes

Ever since I was a kid, I have longed for glasses. I don’t know why. Both of my parents were practically blind without the aid of some serious ocular assistance, and somehow I managed to escape the same fate at every yearly eye exam growing up. Much to my dismay, I might add. It bummed me out every time the doctor said my vision was perfect. My vision was so perfect, actually, that it was better than 20/20. How I ended up walking into so many walls or leaving the house in tartan bell-bottoms in high school, then, remains a mystery. Still, I wanted glasses. I bought a fake pair of readers at Claire’s in the mall when I was 14 and used to wear them in the same vain hope with which I wore bras all those years: maybe if I wear them, I will actually end up needing them.

And while the verdict is still out on the issue of boobs, one thing became certain last night at my optometrist’s office: I officially need glasses. She broke the news to me gently, afraid I would revolt at the idea of surviving 25 years without them only to be riddled with poor vision later in life, and insisted I only needed them for reading/sitting in front of a computer, but I was all, MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! And then I pulled the neckline of my shirt out and said to my chest, “YOU GUYS BETTER BE NEXT.”

These days, those of us who are visually-challenged (are there support groups for people like us?) have far better and more stylish options than say, my dad, who was born before 1940 and who probably had to use a monocle as a child. And the monocle was probably 4 inches thick. No, these days, we have Warby Parker, the genius site that offers $95 prescription glasses in all sorts of retro, Mad-Men-ish frames, and who donate a pair to someone in need for every pair they sell. Not only will I get glasses, I’ll also get that do-goodery feeling that accompanies acts of charity. Win-win.

After playing around for hours with their virtual try-on option, I narrowed my selection down to these 3 frames:

Thatcher / Roosevelt / Digby

Obviously, they all look amazing on me. It’s like I was born to wear glasses, you guys. You can have up to 5 pairs sent to you for free to try on at home, and I chose these 3 (it’s not that I can’t count, it’s just that when faced with too many options, I can’t cope). And yes, mom, before you point it out, I realize that the Digby’s are men’s frames, but clearly that just means my facial structure is so perfect that it transcends gender. Wait.

ANYWAY, now I’d love to know your opinion on these frames, you guys. Which of the three do you prefer? I realize it’s hard to judge without seeing them on me, but until they get here I am not going to post the webcam-shot I used to do the virtual try-on through the site, because I’m 10 different kinds of unkempt in it.

So now all I have to do is wait for these bad boys to get here, make my selection, and then spend eternity checking myself out in mirrors and pretending to be taken aback by how geek-chic I look.

11 thoughts on “Four Eyes

  1. As someone who has worn glasses since high school and loathed them, I think you will not like the heavy frame while reading or using the computer. I bet you look awesome in them and am pretty sure that is what you are going for anyways!

    1. HA, you know me well. And if it helps any, the frames are all plastic and from the reviews they sound pretty lightweight. I don’t know! If I end up hating them, I can return them for free!

  2. I apologize in advance-I’m afraid, subliminally, I’ve scarred you…..every pair of glasses you looked up at from your crib to now looked like one of your three choices. Come to think of it, even my sunglasses have tortoise shell frames.
    And, while your at it…..I suppose you can also blame me for your boob issue, too!
    Very, very funny post and we’re not laughing at your expense….just your brilliant writing!

  3. Roosevelt! I don’t ever remember seeing Maggie in a pair of those others.

    So congratulations Erin, really pleased for you….! Although the novelty wears off when you start not being able to read street signs without them and then have to wear them all the time, even when you want to look glam. Which means contact lenses. And it’s down hill from there…..

    1. I’m sure Maggie could’ve gotten away with them, though, haha. Thanks for the kind words, Annie. I’m hoping that many years from now I will look back on my enthusiasm for these glasses and not think I was a total idiot.

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