Goodbye, 2015

"Put up a fucking fight for what you love," Rue de l'Abreuvoir

What a year. In years past, I’ve shared highlights, my top five favorite things that happened, and provided a general recap of notable events (you guessed it: lots and lots of Paris). This year was kind of a rollercoaster: in March I sent out an SOS at one of the lowest points in my life; in May we went to Italy and Paris, and spent two glorious weeks eating our weight in gelato and pasta; in July I left my job of five and a half years for a new opportunity; in September we celebrated one year of marriage; and at the end of November and beginning of December, I went back to Paris. And, oh yeah! There was that little novel I’d been working on in fits and spurts, that finally this year felt like it was coming together the way I wanted it to. I’d be hard pressed to complain about this year as a whole, and frankly, spending a combined three weeks in Europe precludes me from anything approaching discontent.

But if I’d written this post just two days ago, the tone would have been drastically different. On Monday night, I inadvertently got sucked into a marathon of Parks and Rec. It was the 7th season, and April, the show’s resident malcontent, all grown up in the three year time jump between seasons, was struggling with being 29 and having no idea what she wanted to do with her life.

April: I feel totally lost.
Donna: Saturn’s Return.
April: What?
Donna: Saturn’s orbit around the sun takes roughly 29 years. And when it gets back to where it was when you were born…lots of turmoil, self discovery.

Eleven days ago, I turned 29. I didn’t feel any of the previous excitement that accompanied birthdays, because 29 is scary. The last year of my 20s? How!? I barely have my shit together, and still get the impulse to call my mother when I have to do anything vaguely adult-y, like roll over my 401k into an IRA, or even schedule my own doctor’s appointments. And the universe let me creep another year closer to 30?

Anyway, I watched that episode (and several after it) without giving that particular exchange too much thought. That was Monday. On Tuesday, I was let go from my job due to budget cuts, the job that swept in out of nowhere earlier this year and plucked me out of the depths of a depression so deep I thought I would never get out. But get out I did, and it was due in large part to getting to do something creative and using my brain at work for the first time in years. While I’m obviously upset and a little bruised (and more than a little concerned about, you know, not having an income), I am extremely grateful I got to have this experience for the last six months, because now I know not to settle for anything less.

Banksy

So I’m entering 2016 on less stable footing than I anticipated (Saturn’s Return!), but part of me is just going to surrender to it, and see where it takes me. Maybe this is what I finally need to finish my novel after all? Maybe I need to get comfortable with my discomfort and panic to find out what I really want to do. I have no idea what 2016 will bring me (besides a trip to Paris in March and Spain in April) but I hope you’ll stick around for the ride. I’m so lucky to have you kiddos, and I promise to be more attentive around here!

Have a wonderful New Year.

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December 31, 2015 / life / dog / LEAVE A COMMENT / 7

7 comments

  • the universe gave you what you needed when you needed it… you clearly don’t need it anymore ;) here’s to new beginnings…
    embrace the fear & enjoy!

  • Sorry to hear about the job, hope there will be more stability for you next year.

  • Oh girl, I am so sorry to hear about the job! :( I’m glad you’re feeling like the whole experience was worth it, though, because I have a lot of faith that jumping back into something that made your mind work in a way that was fun will lead you to something equally as fulfilling in the future. Here’s hoping the instability doesn’t last long!

  • Happy new year, Erin!
    So sorry to hear about your job. Here’s to new beginnings. xxx

  • Ugh, I am sorry to hear about that. I got the rug ripped out from under me at the end of this year, when I didn’t even know there was a rug there. However… it took me a lot less effort and time to get back on my feet again. And it amazes me every single day how much easier it is. That’s living and learning and growing and I’m sure that you will surprise yourself at your own resilience as well. Do the things you love, lean on the people you love, and laugh. Things will be okay – no, they’ll actually be better. Because you’ll make it that way

  • I’ve been waiting to comment so as to find the right words to say. I can’t find them. Here is what I will say though… Getting let go is fucking lame, and that really truly sucks. But it sounds like you got a lot more good out of that whole experience than bad, and that has to count for something, right? Perhaps this is the little push you need from the universe to get moving (and grooving!) and find the better path for yourself. I say, BRING IT! Embrace 2016 with open arms, but find that pair of shoes that keeps your feet on the ground ;)

    Also, completely selfish of me to say this, but on the upside, this means there’s more time for us to finally meet and hang out soon!!!! Send me an e-mail, girl!

  • Happy New Year Erin!
    2015 WAS a great year for you. And I’m so glad to read this post and see that you didn’t let the last week of events cast a shadow on everything else you accomplished.
    2016 can only bring bigger and better things for you, I just know it.
    As for 29, if 40 is the new 30 (I had to declare it so last year), then surely 30 is the new 20.