Christmas Tunes

I wanted to wait to share this song until next Tuesday, saving the best for last, but I just couldn’t wait. Three Words: Wham! “Last Christmas.” This is my definitive Christmas song. I listen to it year round, though mostly through headphones when it’s not the holiday season to avoid the weird and judgmental stares. Once December rolls around? Good luck hanging out with me and escaping without having to hear it at least twice. I’ll even sing it if you’re (un)lucky.

Despite how upbeat and fantastically 80s synth-y this song is, you might not know that it’s filled with heartache and despair. Let’s break down the video, shall we? (I love dissecting George Michael music videos).

It starts out promisingly enough: a group of friends gathering together in the snowy mountains for a Christmas ski vacation. Look how happy George Michael is! With his arms spread open like that and the hills in the background, he could be Maria von Trapp!

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“THE HILLS ARE ALIVE, WITH THE SOUND OF GEORGIOS!”

Things continue along a whimsical trajectory. People are setting the table, collecting firewood, decorating the tree. Someone is wearing moon boots. George Michael is innocently assisting with the tinsel garland, when all of a sudden…

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Awk. Ward: his bangs stick out further than his nose. Oh, and there’s clearly some tension between them.

We then learn that these two had a history, but now relations are so frosty they’re reduced to sharing silent stares and stolen glances in the midst of the merriment surrounding them. “What happened, George Michael?” you might wonder. It’s actually pretty tragic, but he’s been putting on a brave face since last Christmas: he gave her his heart, and then the very next day she gave it away. The very next day! The nerve!

He tried to be strong, but the grief overcomes him, and then he starts brooding wildly all over the place.

During snowball fights:

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At dinner:

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Omg stop it George Michael, it’s creepy.

We’re treated to a montage of their happier times last Christmas, before she gave his heart away. There was frolicking in the snow!

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And hilarious wipeouts!

In addition to his heart, we learn George Michael also gave her a diamond broach in the shape of a flower last Christmas. George Michael really went all out last Christmas.

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Since she’s still wearing it this Christmas, I think it’s safe to assume she didn’t give it away last year on the 26th and is therefore obviously a shallow, materialistic harlot who never deserved George Michael’s heart in the first place.

I know, I know, it’s awfully depressing. But you shouldn’t be sad for George Michael, because he learned a valuable lesson through the whole ordeal: this year, to save himself from tears, he’ll give his heart to someone special (liiiike, maybe the woman he brought on vacation? Poor thing, she’s barely a blip on his radar).

The video ends with everyone packing up their skis and giant, oversized 80s coats and taking the ski lift back to civilization. But they have to go out the same way they came in:

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Over the fence.

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Seriously? That house is enormous and there isn’t a gate or like, a path somewhere? It’s like building a house in the Sims with no exits and watching them struggle to get out. Eventually the Sims will die. Everyone in this video makes it out alive, though maybe more emotionally damaged than when they entered. There’s something incredibly dramatic there, spending a week in a ski chalet with two ex lovers and their new partners, just basking in the suspense. Don’t you wish there was a follow up song to complete the storyline? Though come to think of it, “Careless Whisper” was released the following year, so apparently George Michael moved on from this chick.

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December 17, 2013 / Tuesday Tunes / LEAVE A COMMENT / 25

25 comments

  • Hahahahaaaaaa! Brilliant piece today, Birthday Girl….Ooops, Woman. Birthday Woman!

    • NOT YET. I am still 26 for TWO MORE DAYS and I intend to soak it in while I can. xo

  • oh my goodness, i have tears burning the corner of my eyes. this was so funny. so, so, so funny. maria von trapp, the fence, the simms, the brooch, the wipeout, the creepy stares, the forgotten replacement. ah, i am going to read this a few more times today. thanks. xo

    • Ahahah, I’m glad someone else was amused by this as much as I was. George Michael is so entertaining! xo

  • Here’s my takeaway from that video, which I’m not sure I’ve ever seen. No man in my life shall have hair that’s longer than mine, fluffier than mine, or requires more product than mine. Forever and ever, amen. That being said, I love this song! It’s on regular rotation… at this time of year. Ahem.

    • Hahahahahahaha “forever and ever, amen.” True that, sister. I think the only person in the world who could pull it off is George. I wasn’t really cognitive in the 80s, being 4, so I can’t tell if this was a trend that all males participated in or not. Was it? xo

  • If you make next week’s song “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by NSYNC, then you will complete the trifecta (along with “All I Want for Christmas” and this one) of 90% of the music I listen to in December. Do it! Do it! I love this song so much.

    Side note, given your George Michael proclivity, have you ever seen Music & Lyrics, with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore? Hugh Grant plays a faded 80’s musician who was in the fake version of Wham. So good.

    • Haha now I have that stuck in my head! And I wasn’t even an NSYNC fan during their heyday! I will, however, proudly pump “Funky Funky Christmas” by NKOTB ;)

      How have I never seen that movie?? It better be available on Amazon Prime/Netflix because now I seriously need to watch it. Hugh Grant? Yes please! Thanks for the recommendation!! xo

  • i cannot un-see that hair!

    • It’s pretty spectacular and swooshy! xo

  • HAHAAH this is definitely one of my favourite Christmas music videos and I love your analysis because I think the first time I saw this video, I watched it over and over again to catch every not-so-subtle mean glance and THE HAIR. This is the best. Especially the Sims analogy at the end.

    • There is always SO MUCH STORY in all of these Wham videos, I swear. They don’t make music videos with such strong narratives anymore! Glad someone else caught the Sims reference ;) xo

      • They really should make these types of music videos again. Is there a petition somewhere we can sign?

        • I need to organize that. Stat. xo

  • OMG You know even if the video is cheesy- its still an awesome Christmas song. and I still love that flock of seagals hair. :)

    • Oh, if anything the cheesiness that has come with time has only added to the video’s overall awesomeness. I’m with you there ;) xo

  • seagulls. … autocorrect.

    • Haha, oh autocorrect! My favorite is still the time I sent “Hahahaha” to my best friend, and my phone autocorrected it to “Haitians.” We STILL laugh about that. xo

  • hahaha…great analysis and comments! Man, I hate that song!
    Wham were really hip back then (at least for a while) and I’m already old enough to reminsice about it. :-I

    • You hate this song?!? HOW?! Are you sure you’re listening to the right song? ;) I didn’t know it was possible to hate Wham! I guess if you’ve had more years to deal with it maybe it loses its luster, haha. xo

  • You crack me up. They don’t make music videos like this anymore, shame :-)
    I loved Wham… I had a huge poster of George Michael on my bedroom wall.
    I’m a fully fledged 80’s teen and proud of it x

    • Ha mental!
      This song has just come on the radio.
      It must be a sign ha!

      • It’s the power of George Michael. If you mention him enough times, he manifests! xo

    • Jealousssss, the best George Michael era were the Wham! years for sure, so I don’t blame you for having a poster ;) xo

  • Right.
    Firstly: Awesome!
    Secondly, remember I told you I used to live in the flat below Pepsi from Pepsi and Shirley and you had no idea what that was? (Call yourself a Wham! fan, tut). Well she’s in the 5th and 6th photo down, right on the left! So that means you are within five degrees of separation from GM. Plus also my friend nursed him when he ‘fell out of his car’. So you are actually one two degrees away. Double awesome!