Dan Savage on Relationships

Theresa’s guest post over at Love Creative on “Living With a Boy” reminded me of this fantastic speech Dan Savage gave at a college about relationships, specifically the “price of admission.” With all of the changes that come with being engaged, one of them is the realization that you’re going to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with this person, and that is (hopefully) a really, really long time. How do you keep from strangling each other? Speaking kindly and gently, as Theresa pointed out, is a good start.

Take is away Mr. Savage:

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April 11, 2013 / life / dog / LEAVE A COMMENT / 10

10 comments

  • I seem to be favouring the irrational spazzing out approach at the moment. And it seems to be working :)

  • I adore Dan Savage! I haven’t seen this video before and I love his concept of the “price of admission” because it is so true. Although I have to deal with my fiance being a mess maker in the kitchen, that’s okay to me as long as I get to enjoy the meal with him :)

  • My friends took the advice of a cousin at a 50th Wedding Anniversary Party….Ignore the first 10 things each day that get on your nerves. When one of them explodes, the other asks, “Is that 11?”

  • i find a huge dollop of humour can help diffuse most situations… & when that fails, scream like a banshee: sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t! ;)

  • oh, no don’t clap :). he is so great, such a genuine and honest and insightful person. that was really sweet. price of admission, huh? i think what yelle said sums that up pretty darn well. i want to watch the rest of his talk now. xoxo

  • He brings up such wonderful points! I will remember this the next time hubs gets on my nerves!

  • Oh, this vid was so beautiful. Moving really. I have several friends who are in the midst of marriage crises and I had lunch with a friend yesterday who isn’t but we both agreed, life is short. And love is key. Don’t sweat the small stuff, but the big things matter. I love what Savage says.

    I love to share the advice my grandmother gave me when Neel and I got engaged, and I could share it here…although maybe I should do it closer to your wedding? ;)

  • Dan Savage, where have you been all my life and why don’t I know about you?! The price of admission – SO true! There certainly was a time that I held everything in until I exploded, usually over something minuscule because I let things build up. Now, I’m trying a different approach and speaking up in the moment (or “in real time,” as my husband likes to say) when something bothers me. It seems to be helping. Though, I do still want to strangle him sometimes, and I tell him as much in a kind voice. Ha!

  • I agree with Theresa, where has this man been my whole life? Do you think he could be my life coach? I must remember to repeat this mantra next time my husband plays jenga with our recycling (i.e. doesn’t take it out ever) – “there can be no settling down, without some settling for. Accept the flaws and then pretend they are not there”.

  • Great post!

    If I can add my 2 centimes about sticking together, our secret is to full-on spazzy nerd PLAY together. The other morning we tied our office chairs together and made a train pulling each other through the flat. Then, walking home from the shop (I picked up onions for a recipe, he grabbed half a watermelon), Onion and Watermelon had a conversation the whole way home about how they’re nervous to be eaten, but excited to be in a recipe. In their funny voices. And I think I recently posted about how “Squeertzy Glove” (the scuzzy, burnt-at-the-edges, food-encrusted oven mitt) likes to come out and terrorise spouses? We may have arguments, but when someone sticks Squeertzy around the corner and slow-motion mouths “I’m sorrrrry” with his “jaw”…well, you can’t hold onto anything. :)