In Case You’re Loaded…

I’ve mentioned Fitz is a total jerk, right? He eats everything that isn’t nailed down or put on shelves out of his reach, though he’s been moderately better recently thanks to his Prozac and being a little bit older. He’s eaten an entire Sunday New York Times, a bouquet of flowers, a box of tissues, a decorative bowl of wicker balls, a neighbor’s condo fee check they slid through our door (two occasions), the pillow Boyfriend guilted me into putting in his crate for comfort, wine corks, 4 blankets, and a patch of the living room rug. Now, you’d think he would have been at least considerate enough to chew a corner, or something I could have hidden under the ottoman, but no. We’re talking smack dab in the middle of the rug. Just took a loose strand of jute and went to town. Oh, there was also the time he decided he’d chewed enough of the rug itself, and wanted to move on the to dessert course: the rug pad.


I forgot where I was going with this now, I’m all rage-y.

RIGHT. This weekend I decided the rug had to go. His industriousness aside, that rug took me like six months to find. It was a serious investment in time, though thankfully, having met its demise at the teeth of my crackhead dog, not a financial one as well. I searched and searched for a suitable rug for the living room that met Boyfriend’s requests: not plushy. I originally figured that black was a good choice since Fitz sheds like it’s his second job (his first job of course being his esteemed position at Thing Chewers of America), but quickly came to realize black shows EVERYTHING and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to vacuum. Also, jute seemed like a great idea, but no. Never again. Sorry, Boyfriend. You and your tactile defensiveness will just have to cope with a semi-plush rug next time.

I spent the majority of my 4 day weekend looking for a new rug. I’m in it for the long haul, I know, because starting all over again with my list of requirements: under $200, low pile, neutral color, reasonable shipping (side note: I hate companies that don’t offer shipping discounts. Like I want to pay another $50 for shipping). And in the process, I found the most insanely priced rug of all time. Behold:


I CAN’T EVEN. Obviously I bought it, because, hello, I have $165k laying around and a room 33′ wide to put that thing in. The clincher for me, and why I’m assuming this is some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke, is that there is a “High Sellout Risk” (apparently rug sales are impervious to the economy) and there is 1 review, stating the rug was “a little on the expensive side but thats the price for perfection.” If that is real, I hate them.

11 thoughts on “In Case You’re Loaded…

  1. oh dear – poor Fitz! Hopefully he’ll grow out of it soon :(
    I made the same mistake thinking black would be a failsafe color – worst decision ever and I now have a rug I hate. Fortunately Mr Dog likes to throw up on it, so I’m hoping boyfriend will agree to a new one before we have enough little ‘splats’ to play dot to dot with. Next time i’m going with Home Depot!

  2. haha, well, obviously if someone has a 19′ x 33′ space that they need a rug for a rug seller can make up any price they want for them. it’s a niche market i’d say. if i had that much money i’d take it and buy an old farm house in france, definitely not a persian rug.

    and, oh, fitz, naughty boy! that’s got to be a little crazy making, eh?

  3. but you’re saving $30k!!! & it promises to breathe life into any room!!! (having said that, at that price it would need to breathe life into me to resuscitate my bruised & broken body after my boyfriend takes a baseball bat to me for spending $165k on an ugly rug!)… as for the dog… i think he needs counselling or something? he’s a bit too old for this game now isn’t he? my brother once had a beautiful dog called karma… she was marginally less beautiful after she’d chewed her way through his leather motorbike jacket, including a pocket with a big ol’ $50 note deposited inside! i’m glad to say she grew out of this phase after about a year :)

  4. Why are you complaining about the cost of that rug? You’d be saving $29,129.70. It’s a steal!!!!

    On a more serious note, I hope that it’s all kinds of fake….

  5. Um, I’m pretty sure I saw that same rug at Ikea. For real. Perhaps that Overstock rug is woven in gold strands and 100% silk, and surely it comes with child labor law protection. (Let’s hope no tiny hands worked around the clock to make that rug.)
    Fitz, don’t you know you’re driving your mama crazy?! On the bright side, you get a new rug!

  6. Oh man, Erin you’re going to have to devise a plan to doggie proof your home! This rug price is insane- and on “”?!?! I don’t get it. But I love that you do save $29,000. A bargain! And I’m with you on shipping- I refuse!

  7. Wow, Fitz really did a number on your rug. There are no words for that kind of carnage. As for the World’s Most Overpriced Rug, I had to laugh out loud at the fact that it says “Hi Erin, Let’s Start Saving” at the top of the page!

  8. $165K – why oh why do they chuck in the odd cents? That ain’t going to bamboozle us or cover up the facts! With such a high end item, you’d think they would make the website a bit more high end too, looks like a pile of shit.

    As for Fitz, I’ve got a couple of items I no longer want but can’t justify chucking them out, how about I send them over to you for him to demolish and justify? Good luck with the search.

  9. Holy cow, Fitz!! It’s a good thing he’s so cute :-) I feel VERY lucky now that Toby never went through an eat-everything-I-see phase

  10. Oh Fitz! You’re certainly trying your momma’s patience!

    And with regards to that rug… maybe if it flies. Actually, only if it flies would I shell out that much

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