I’ve mentioned Fitz is a total jerk, right? He eats everything that isn’t nailed down or put on shelves out of his reach, though he’s been moderately better recently thanks to his Prozac and being a little bit older. He’s eaten an entire Sunday New York Times, a bouquet of flowers, a box of tissues, a decorative bowl of wicker balls, a neighbor’s condo fee check they slid through our door (two occasions), the pillow Boyfriend guilted me into putting in his crate for comfort, wine corks, 4 blankets, and a patch of the living room rug. Now, you’d think he would have been at least considerate enough to chew a corner, or something I could have hidden under the ottoman, but no. We’re talking smack dab in the middle of the rug. Just took a loose strand of jute and went to town. Oh, there was also the time he decided he’d chewed enough of the rug itself, and wanted to move on the to dessert course: the rug pad.
I forgot where I was going with this now, I’m all rage-y.
RIGHT. This weekend I decided the rug had to go. His industriousness aside, that rug took me like six months to find. It was a serious investment in time, though thankfully, having met its demise at the teeth of my crackhead dog, not a financial one as well. I searched and searched for a suitable rug for the living room that met Boyfriend’s requests: not plushy. I originally figured that black was a good choice since Fitz sheds like it’s his second job (his first job of course being his esteemed position at Thing Chewers of America), but quickly came to realize black shows EVERYTHING and there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to vacuum. Also, jute seemed like a great idea, but no. Never again. Sorry, Boyfriend. You and your tactile defensiveness will just have to cope with a semi-plush rug next time.
I spent the majority of my 4 day weekend looking for a new rug. I’m in it for the long haul, I know, because starting all over again with my list of requirements: under $200, low pile, neutral color, reasonable shipping (side note: I hate companies that don’t offer shipping discounts. Like I want to pay another $50 for shipping). And in the process, I found the most insanely priced rug of all time. Behold:
I CAN’T EVEN. Obviously I bought it, because, hello, I have $165k laying around and a room 33′ wide to put that thing in. The clincher for me, and why I’m assuming this is some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke, is that there is a “High Sellout Risk” (apparently rug sales are impervious to the economy) and there is 1 review, stating the rug was “a little on the expensive side but thats the price for perfection.” If that is real, I hate them.
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Hi! My name is Erin.
I like sleeping, Paris, gin, books, Oxford commas, and Gary Oldman. Read More→