Continuing on with the spirit of community you girls so graciously gave me over the past two weeks with your incredible guest posts, today I’m participating in a virtual cocktail party of sorts, assembled by the lovely Theresa of InspirationCooperative. The theme is piggybacking off of the blogging-sensation “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.” We sort of interpreted the theme a bit differently and applied it in the most universal sense so as to include everyone, and came up with Something(s) About Me.
For me the decision for to post some hidden facts about myself on the same day as a bunch of other incredible ladies, stems from my dislike of a lot of blogs that are fake and glossy and only show the most tightly edited and stylized versions of their lives. Oh, you went grocery shopping in 5 inch stilettos? I totally believe you. And you’ve never had a bad day, too, right? Show me something real. My favorite blogs are ones written in an honest voice, about people’s real days, even if they aren’t perfect. No one is perfect. Just be real.
Herewith, 10 real things about me.
This is me, unedited, in my cube at work right now, wearing a men’s chambray shirt. Yeah, I’m having a bad hair day. It’s the humidity!
1. I know I’ve gone into this before ad nauseum, but I am terrified of spiders and elevators. In fact, I am convinced on a daily basis that I am going to die in an elevator full of spiders. I step into an elevator and my brain immediately starts shouting, “YOU ARE NEVER GETTING OUT.” I see a spider and it triples in size and its eyes become lazer beams that freeze me in crosshairs. People try to tell me spiders exist to kill other bugs. False. Spiders exist to kill me in my sleep.
2. I might have graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Photojournalism (or, technically, Journalism with a concentration in Photography for the Mass Media) but I hate almost every picture I’ve ever taken. I am genuinely surprised when I take a photograph and it is decent. I mostly expect to be disappointed with my work. I don’t think I’m any good at photography. I didn’t touch a camera for a year or two after graduation because I was so burnt out on feeling inadequate. I would rather have not taken a single photo at all than take one and not think it was good.
3. I’ve been seeing a therapist for close to 4 years. Before typing that sentence, only 4 or 5 people in my life knew that about me. I started at the lowest point in my life, two years after my dad passed away. To say I was miserable would have been an understatement. I had become an unhappy, hateful, ugly person who lashed out at the people closest to me in what I now am able to recognize was an effort to push everyone away so that I’d never have to feel as hurt and sad as I did when I lost my dad. I started going once a week and now only go once every 6 weeks or whenever I feel like I need a bit of maintenance. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed to admit I see a therapist; I’m pretty sure it’s to her credit I am where I am today. I’m happy. And I wasn’t always able to say that.
4. I can pick things up with my toes. They’re long. It’s weird. In fact, my second toe is not only longer than my big toe, it’s longer than my cousin Stacy’s pinky finger. Don’t ask how we figured that one out.
5. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I never have. Writing has always come naturally to me and I’ve always known I wanted to incorporate it into my life, but I gave up on trying to be a “writer” in the career-sense of the word a long time ago. I never had any grand aspirations when I was a kid about what I wanted to be (unless you count wanting to be an astronaut or a ballerina). I think I’d be happiest being a stay at home mom and part-time writer/part-time decorator.
6. I used to be a pescetarian for about 18 months. I ate a lot of sushi. And then the night before Thanksgiving a few years ago, at dinner with friends, I decided to order lasagna bolognese. I don’t eat a ton of red meat still, though.
7. I’m pretty sure I have undiagnosed generalized anxiety disorder. I worry about everything, all the time. If I’m in a subway car alone I’m worried I’m going to be sexually assaulted. If I’m walking somewhere unfamiliar I’ll take the memory card out of my camera so in case someone mugs me I’ll still have the pictures. I’ve missed buses and trains because I have to go back to the house 3 times to make sure I’ve unplugged my hair dryer or otherwise my house is going to burn down and my dog will die. I constantly stress about how much money I’m saving to the point of having a dedicated notebook to detailing every dollar I spend and save. FYI, my dad had anxiety to the point of having night terrors, so I’m pretty sure this is genetic.
8. I cannot tolerate caffeine. If I have a single soda I am guaranteed to be wide awake at 4am. I don’t drink coffee. I’m pretty hyper to start with, I don’t think people need to suffer the effects of adding caffeine to my system.
9. I rarely have an appetite. I can forget to eat for an entire day unless someone reminds me (however, I will always have an appetite for macarons). This is why last night, when left to my own devices and despite having tons of leftovers in the fridge, I ate popcorn for dinner. Boyfriend clearly does all of the cooking in this relationship.
10. I hate my thighs.
Well that was liberating. I’ve loved reading what everyone else has decided to share today, too. A big thank you is in order to Theresa for taking this little project by the horns and making it a reality. Thanks, T!
Have a great weekend, kiddos. It’s a long one for us here, and I am planning on catching up on as much sleep as possible, but still going out for a a bbq or two. Even though we’re off on Monday, I’ll be posting pictures from Paris that day! That is, if I ever tackle the editing process.