Every time I think I’m going to unsubscribe from West Elm’s emails, they send me 15% off coupons. They’ve gotten it down to a science. It’s like they not only know how annoyed I am by their near-daily emails, but how exactly to win me back. I’m nothing if not predictable in my addiction to spending money to save money. I’ll refresh your memory with the story of how I got this amazing pendant light for less than third of what it should have cost:
The lamp has been hanging in my living room for a few months now and you’d think I’d have gotten over the amazing deal I scored on it, but you’d be wrong. Whenever I turn it on I squeal with delight. It remains, exactly as I described in that post, “the moment that will forever be engrained in my memory as the time I saved so much money I sweat through three layers of clothing.” I’m not even remotely embarrassed by that sentence. Have you seen that lamp?
Over the weekend, I bought the small IKEA desk I wrote about on Friday. I want to pause here to pat myself on the back for this particular trip to IKEA. I was in and out in under 5 minutes. Literally. This is a feat of unparalleled proportions for me, and I think I deserve some credit for not lingering at every display and spending my requisite 2 hours in there. We parked in the loading spaces, went in through the exit to avoid getting lost and distracted in the serpentine marketplace, beelined straight for the right aisle in the warehouse (I had done a stock-check before we left the houes), and carried the box right to the self-checkout. It was loaded into the back of the car in less time than it normally takes me to wrangle Fitz into submission so I can cuddle him against his will.
I spent the majority of Saturday night assembling it during commercial breaks of a marathon of America’s Next Top Model cycle 6 (the good old years), and then moved my iMac and associated desk accessories to it on Sunday. My computer had been sitting in the unused and rarely visited guest bedroom in the front of the house, and figured if I relocated it to a room I actually spend time in I’d use it again. As it stands, ever since I bought my macbook over the summer, I’ve barely touched my desktop. Which is sad, because the thing is a champ and still runs like the day I got it. And have I mentioned how awesome it is working on a screen so large? No offense to my macbook, but I don’t have to squint to blog.
But of course, in some domino-shopping-effect, buying a new desk meant I had to buy a new chair. If you give a mouse a cookie, she’ll end up twitching with anxiety over how fast she can get to West Elm. I found out from one of their many, many emails that they were having a floor sample sale. Oh, and another email informed me that all sale items were an extra 20% off. And then, then my friends, came the 15% off coupon. It’s like they were practically begging me to come buy a new desk chair, like a hot girl throwing herself at you. Who am I to turn that down?
So I went. And there were chairs upon chairs upon other low-priced chairs. And that’s when I saw her.
She’s beautiful. She’s turmeric colored, which I immediately knew would be perfect with the dark gray walls in the bedroom (gray + yellow = love). I made a quick call to Boyfriend to ask him to measure the space between the desk legs, hoping it would fit the chair’s dimensions. That was a fun conversation. Once we figured out which of the 15 closets in the house the tape measurer was hiding in (“Is it under the sink?” “The sink?” “The kitchen sink. Is it under the sink?” “Why would it be there?” “I don’t know, I’m not there!” “It’s not there. Why would it be under the kitchen sink?”), we moved on to: “No, the opening between the front legs.” “Like, the distance to the wall?” “No, the opening between the front legs!” “You have to stop saying that out loud. It sounds like something else.”
Long story short, we found out that it would fit perfectly. I sent him a picture to confirm the color, and he ended up loving it. Win-win. I picked that beaut up and carried her to the register as gently as if I was carrying her over the threshold of our honeymoon suite.
And then the really fun part started. Because she was a floor model, they knocked 20% off the price.
But when I was carrying it, I noticed a few scratches on the back, where the seat curves. I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask if the 20% off was the lowest price they could go, since it did have some wear on it. And you know what? I recommend you all do this when you’re shopping if you see some minor imperfection on whatever it is you’re buying. Just because I asked, they changed the 20% off the retail price to 30% off. An extra 10% savings just because I pointed out a scratch or two.
Not bad! I would have been happy with that, but lest we forget there were more discounts to be applied. I kept my composure even though I was giddy and my pupils had turned into dollar signs. All sale items were an additional 20% off. Why? For fun. Because the world understands me. I don’t know, don’t ask questions.
That’s nuts! I’ve already skimmed $35 off the cost of the chair. Now, a normal person would be content with these savings and not be greedy modeedy (as my mom says) about an additional 15%. I don’t know if we’ve met before, but I am not normal. I am a Shopping Empress. I am a black belt in Deals. I demand further discounts! I handed my 15% off coupon to the cashier and let her do her worst. Or her best. Definitely her best.
Having had ample practice in this sort of thing, I didn’t faint this time. I did have to do a little dance for myself for saving almost half of what the chair originally cost, though. And while this is a pretty good score for me, it isn’t my best work. The pendant light will always hold that title. But I was obviously still high on whatever chemical my body releases when I buy things at heavily discounted prices, so I happily strutted home, holding my baby in my arms with the legs sticking out and threatening to impale anyone who got too close. I also stopped at the bank to have a new debit card printed because someone stole my numbers two weeks ago and went to the liquor store with my money, ugh.
Now she’s sitting pretty with my new tiny desk. That corner of the room doesn’t feel so empty anymore, and I feel pretty chuffed with myself for showing West Elm who’s boss.
(It’s me. I’m the boss.)
