Celebrity Crushes

Remember a few weeks ago when I gave my mini-diatribe about people stealing my stuff or heavily “borrowing” it? I have a new one to add to the list: West Elm themselves have decided to copy my swagger. Yes, I said swagger. Just Monday I posted the story of how I got a magical bargain on a pendant light, titled “Let There Be (Cheap) Light.” I even tweeted about it and mentioned @WestElm. What shows up in my inbox a mere 3 days later? This email, from West Elm:

Coincidence? I think not. How shady! (Get it? Shady? Shade-y? See what I did there? Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep last night, thank you, sheeting rain) Clearly I am SO AWESOME that West Elm just has no choice but to steal all my ideas. I mean, really. I’d love to be grumpy about it, but this obviously means I am doing something right. Maybe I should write a post for IKEA and then if they try to steal it I’ll make them give me a job designing showrooms. My god, wouldn’t that be the best job in the world?

Shifting gears a bit (okay, a lot), you might have noticed this post was titled “Celebrity Crushes.” So we’ve talked about girl crushes already, but I realized I never gave the menfolk their due. There are a bunch of hunky men in Hollywood (don’t you dare try to tell me that Christian Bale or Ben Affleck belong in that category, or we aren’t friends anymore), but after careful observation and years-long obsessions, I’ve been able to narrow down my biggest celebrity crushes to these 3 contenders:

Crush #1. Gary Oldman.

 Yes, weird, I know. But there is something so incredibly attractive about him, and yes, I know he is old enough to be my father, and he generally plays the creepy, scary murder or bad guy (like, in almost every movie he’s ever made), but come. on. Have you ever seen “Immortal Beloved,” the movie where he played Beethoven? Or “Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead,” the movie about the two wacky side characters in ‘Hamlet’? Or, perhaps, the movie that started my entire obsession with his gorgeous man, “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” (DON’T JUDGE ME)? He’s fascinating to me.

Crush #2. Robert Pattinson. Like every other woman and 14 year old girl in the universe.

Team Edward. That’s all that needs to be said. I finally saw “Breaking Dawn” last night with my mom and sister-in-law, and it just confirmed everything for me about him. Can we talk about his hair? He’s got great hair. And he’s British, too, just like Gary Oldman (are we sensing a theme, yet?), but unlike Gary Oldman he was born the same year I was. I think my favorite thing about him isn’t that he plays a sparkly vampire in Young Adult movies, it’s that in real life he always looks like he doesn’t even care about any of the attention. And that he could really use a shower. Quit looking at me like that.

Crush #3. Jim Halpert (aka John Krasinski).

There’s no way you’ve watched “The Office” and not developed a crush on Jim, the dorky, adorable, Pam-smitten paper salesman. My crush is actually more on the character he plays on tv, but level with me: how cute is he in that Gap ad with the scarf? He is so cute and goofy on the show, it’s impossible to not to have a crush on him. To be honest, in real life I’m more attracted to his hot wife, Emily Blunt. They make such a gorgeous couple, it’s ridiculous.

Honorable Mention:

Anderson Cooper, the silver fox CNN host. Chiefly, this moment:

Okay. Spill the beans, you guys. Who are you biggest and most enduring celebrity crushes? Who are your guilty-pleasure crushes? Any you’re embarrassed to admit? It’s so gross and rainy here today, I’d love to have a fun distraction.

22 thoughts on “Celebrity Crushes

  1. 1. robert downey jr.
    2. phillip seymour hoffman
    3. sandy cohen
    4. john travolta
    5. javier barden
    6. donald sutherland
    7. elton john
    8. kevin spacey

  2. (in no particular order)

    1. Vince Vaughn
    2. Channing Tatum
    3. Justin Timberlake (shush he’s sexy)
    4. Seth Rogen
    5. Shia Labeouf

  3. Ewan mcgregor
    Jonah hill (don’t ask. I already know its demented)
    Colin farrel (also always looks like he needs a shower and bonus points for singing in crazy heart)

  4. Lyndsey, Elton John? Really?

    Gary Oldman looks quite hot there. And Robert Pattinson is well fit (as we say over here) but I think he smells. So i’ve heard. And that other bloke looks like a bit of a doofus.

    Joaquim Phoenix in Gladiator. ’nuff said.
    Han Solo. Indiana Jones.

    Erin where’s Le Buble on your list?

    Congrats on West Elm ripping off your words, I’d be well chuffed if I were you! Have you tweeted them??

    Here’s Monkey Magic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UONDRp4-Apk

    1. Lyndsey is an interesting character. You couldn’t tell from her list, but she’s married to a young, dashing British bloke.

      I love that you didn’t list Harrison Ford by name, only by character! Never seen Gladiator, I’m so behind on movies you’ve seen.

      Le Buble is only attractive when he sings and not in pictures to me. It’s weird.

      Monkey Magic!!! That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, even weirder than the Erasure video.

  5. West Elm copied your swagger?! Congratulations!! You. Have. Arrived!!! :D

    My friend has had a monster crush on dear old Gary since we were teenagers and, yes, those are especially good photos of him – which I just might send to her.

  6. I believe weight watchers copied my swagger. (I bet THAT sentence has NEVER been said before). I suggested on one of their message boards that the new calculator have a little sticker/skin so it doesn’t look so much like birth control. What shows up during their next product roll out?

    1. Ha! So it’s not just West Elm, but apparently any company with a W name. Hmm, that does sound mighty suspicious!

  7. Johnny. Depp. (Yes, another one who looks like he needs to bathe.)
    Jake Gyllenhaal.
    JT (esp. on SNL)
    Jimmy Fallon
    And, NOW, Daniel Craig. Erin, why didn’t you tell me that Dragon Tatoo was so good. I saw it last night and can’t stop thinking about it. Or did you not like it? I’ll admit, I wasn’t 100% on board when I heard Craig was being cast. But, Craig nailed it, and don’t get me started on Mara Rooney.

    PS~I’m so with you on your girl crush. She’s lovely.

    1. Oh my god, Mara was so incredible. Daniel Craig was as well! I should have given a better endorsement of the film, as I absolutely loved it. Have you seen the original Swedish version? I saw that with my brother (awk.ward.) a few years back when it came to an indie theater in town, but this was, to use a word Annie described it as, “slicker.” It was good, but I thought the pace of dialogue went too fast, like they were playing ping-pong. Still, I love the entire story and it’s hard to mess it up. Anything David Fincher touches turns to gold, though, haha.

      I love your list! Thought I can’t say I’m on board the Johnny Depp train like the rest of the world. I see the appeal, and the fact that he consistently looks dirty doesn’t hurt, but he’s not for me. That’s okay, more for you :)

  8. Gary. Gary, Gary. I think you and I have already bonded over his weird, neck/jaw-clicky acting in the film Leon as he takes the drugs. However, I will leave him to you and instead declare my weird celeb crush (since you’ve taken Gazza):

    It’s Benedict Cumberbatch. First of all, that NAME! Second of all, he looks like a lion somehow. Also he is just paedo-awesome in Atonement. And his entire body seems to be draped off of his cheekbones. Also he played Stephen Hawking and that just makes me (nerdily) happy.

    Behold the ‘Batch:


    1. Ha, yes, my love of Gary extends even to Leon, especially when he yells he doesn’t have time for
      this Mickey Mouse bullshit.” LOVE.

      I didn’t know Benedict by name (and what a GREAT name that is! he was obviously born to be in movies), but I recognize him from Atonement! That’s a great movie, by the way. Have you read the book? It’s so good, obviously. He was so creeptastic in it, though, but I still get the appeal! Those cheekbones, my god. He’s a looker! In which movie did he play Stephen Hawking? I’m intrigued now!

      Good taste, Süsk (I’m just showing off my knowledge of alt-u-u)

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